Picture perfect, right? The family business where everyone does their part and shares in the success. If only it were that simple. Family businesses have all of the usual business challenges with management, supply, deadlines, marketing, book-keeping, but on top of this is another challenge that is often avoided in other work spaces.
Here’s a big word for it: nepotism. Nepotism is when family members have greater influence, authority or are given more privileges or opportunities just because they are family. Many businesses avoid nepotism with policies against hiring family or even dating someone else in the business. Why? Because they know the complications that can come out of such favoritism.
Is it any different in a family business? Yes and no. Yes, it is different because often, everyone or at least upper management is all family, so in a sense it is all technically nepotism. No, it is not different because even in the family structure, there can be opportunities when someone else is given more authority or opportunity than others. It is not technically nepotism, but there is favoritism or it at least looks and feels that way.
The thing that is very different in the family business is the levels of complication. Many times, any favoritism or perceived favoritism is an old story. These stories might have started in childhood. You know the ones where people put each other in boxes. “He was always such a good student. He never gave us a minute’s trouble.” “She could never keep up with anything or be on time for anything, but she was fun.” “He’s just a baby, let him have some of your cookie.” Right? Yes, right. Some of these stories or attitudes are alive and well today even if the people involved are 40 or 50 years old.
The stories live on in two ways; either in the minds of those who once put you in this box or in your own actions because you are living it out. It is often hard to break free from these stories. If there is true unfairness, it’s not like you can just quit your job. It has a ripple effect. You are not simply co-workers or associates, you are f.a.m.i.l.y! You can’t just quit your family. Well, I suppose you can walk away, but this is an extreme and there are a lot of other steps to take before setting this kind of boundary. At the same time, something needs to change.
In my opinion, the number one to solving family business challenges is investing in hard conversations. Not just in having them, but in how to have them in a way that it is win-win for all parties. If it is ever win-lose, it will usually end up lose-lose in the long run. It’s more than what you say, but how you say it that makes the biggest impact of real conflict resolution.
Even better is putting in the time and energy to grow your communication skills. Be proactive. Invest, time, money, energy into clear communication so that you say what you mean and mean what you say. You say it in a way so that your family will not only listen, but want to listen and understand.
Ask me about the Communication Game and how it can impact your family business.
