Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart.
I hear that it’s “Happily Married” week (Jan 28th). I’m not a copy and paste kind of person, but I don’t want to miss an opportunity to be grateful. “For better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in joy or in sorrow” . . . there was no way to understand the magnitude of those vows at the time. I’m so glad we did not have a glimpse of the challenges we would face. We would have cowered and not seen ourselves having the strength to endure.
This June will mark 35 years of intentional marriage. We had so much to learn. We are still learning. We continue to invest, to grow. You never arrive. It has not been about give and take. It has been more about give and give, its giving and receiving . . . not taking.
It’s not a competition. It’s not about who wins or who is right. It’s a beautiful harmony of two very, very different people. Those differences are smoothed over by the rivers of change and growth. It’s a mystery how two people can each be themselves, yet still live in such oneness.
We seriously enjoy one another’s company. Just this afternoon a spontaneous memory turned into a 3-hour conversation of reminiscing over the last 20 years since we moved to this cabin in the woods. We counted the blessings. We revisited some of the pain points that we thought might tear us apart, putting together the broken pieces that have lost their sting over time. We laughed. We cried. We gave thanks. We still seek wisdom for the unknown that lies before us.
It’s not simply a choice. It’s not a 50-50 partnership. It’s 100% and 100% . A happy marriage takes two people committed to making it work. When only one person is trying to carry that weight alone, a marriage can unravel quickly. Much too often, it cannot be put back together.
We quickly learned that our marriage was not about what’s in it for us. Plain and simple, we realized that we are better together than apart. We draw strength and insight from one another. Building a happy marriage is one step at a time, not all at once. It doesn’t grow wild and free, it is cultivated one day at a time. Sometimes sparks fly as our rough edges are sharpened. Honestly, when we least expect it we can let anger fill that huge space that love most often fills. We have chosen to be vulnerable, to create a safe space. When that safe space is challenged, the harmony can rift into angry words or perhaps no words at all. Come what may, our feet are planted firm on the history that feelings will settle down and we will once again remember the sweetness of it all.
For us , marriage is the picture of our faith . . . a life long dance of goodness, beauty, truth, joy, giving and forgiveness! Lots of forgiveness!!!
Easy? No, but I love this timeless piece of advice. “Marriage is like a watermelon. You have to spit out a few seeds now and then, but there’s a whole lot of sweet in between.”
